she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
