So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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