I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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