i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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