the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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