I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize