that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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