My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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