No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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