Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
