I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
