when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
