ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
