escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
