we have officially lost it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
