its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
