Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
