We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
