apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
