Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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