"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
