Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
