Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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