I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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