Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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