I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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