babies were throwing up all over the place
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
