there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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