if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
