all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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