When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
