Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize