It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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