Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
