I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
