Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
