Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
