i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
