If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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