how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
