She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
