im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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