I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
