im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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