I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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