I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
