White coat. Heels.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize