That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
