Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
