grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
