I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
