i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
