Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
