I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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