Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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