I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
