And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize