I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
