i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
