I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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