Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your penis caused this!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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