What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
