She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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