it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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