8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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