The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
