Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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