sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
