I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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