I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
