in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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