i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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