I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
