Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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