You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
