Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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