i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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