Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
