I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
