It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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