the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
