don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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