Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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