that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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