so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
