Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
