I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
