i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
