I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize