she was so not down for the gang bang
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
