I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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