Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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