Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
