I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize