Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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