It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
