I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just found puke in my bra..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
