Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
