Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
